So it is the 27th and I have no 'loaf to give.

Once again, Christmas on the island has knocked me into the vicious rut of Sleep, Eat, Drink, Be Merry, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Be Merry, and so on and so on.

Back to Toronto tomorrow, so maybe I will get some rest before I have to hit the work front.

I hope everyone had very peaceful and happy Holidays, especially those folks that are still celebrating.

Sorry guys, I don't think there is going to be a Yule 'Loaf. Maybe in 2006.

So, I am busy. These are the high holy shopping days and I work in retail. My time is at a huge premium, but I would like to make a 'loaf. I need help.

What does everyone think would go well in a Yule 'Loaf?

If the suggestions are reasonable, I will try to make it on Xmas day or Boxing day for use at a Boxing day party I think I will be attending.

After Des' most enlightening comment, I went and had a look at firstlight.ca. They do have some great photos. This is my favourite:

So I went to see 'The History of Violence' tonight with D. It was a pretty good film and for Cronenberg it was pleasant at 96min. All in all, a nice film. The violence was grim and the relationships quite real. I especially liked he final scene. Not to spoil anything, but it appears meatloaf is involved. As one blogger writes, one actor "passes [Viggo] the meatloaf as an extension of hospitality."

Cronenberg is a genius.

Wandering around the 'net for as long as I have you come across a strange collection of useful and less than useful sites. One of these sites, one that I came across 5 or 6 years ago, was the home of Getty Images. Now for those that don't know, Getty Images is a company that sells images used in marketing and mass media. They have millions of photographs. And I mean millions. The best part is that they are all searchable, albeit in a less than print perfect form. But they still make for entertaining surfing.

This is what I got after I searched for 'meatloaf'. (Remember to clarify between 'Meat Loaf (Named Person)' and 'Meat Loaf (Meat Dish)')

A little while ago my friend Pasta sent me a short note about his first experience making a 'loaf. Since he lives in Colorado, a state that has a strong history with the cattle industry and deep in the centre of the US of A, the home of meatloaf, I thought he may have gotten by purely on karma and osmosis. Boy, was I wrong!

Hey Pete:

I hope to have a story with a better outcome for you next time:

Sex has been said to be like pizza. Even when its bad, its still not that bad. I assure you this does not hold true for meatloaf.

I made a meatloaf tonight from a recipe that I found on the web. It was a Martha Stewart Recipe. It was a meatloaf gone wrong.

I would love to tell you that Martha's meatloaf recipe was a no frills dish that she and her fellow cons may have enjoyed some Thursday evening, a dish that was more for hiding a file than for delivering true nourishment. Alas, the recipe was from 2000, so I need to take at least some of the blame. I'm not sure what went wrong, but what did go wrong, went very wrong. It was not overcooked. It had a nice glaze. The consistency was not too bad. So - I can't really tell you what exactly was wrong with it, other than something was. And this was not an isolated opinion. A frozen pizza was quickly de-thawed for the rest of the family. I however was not as quick to abandon the meal. I figured - its cooked I may learn something from it. What I learned was that this meatloaf was ONLY a vehicle for mustard - and frankly not a very good one at that. I actually had to abandon the mustard for a stronger smokier barbecue sauce, and then just had to throw in the towel. Perhaps our kind host can help me with a simple recipe that minimizes the chance of me screwing it up.

Well, not knowing exactly what steps transpired really ties my hands, but I will give it a go.

According to Dame Melanie Barnard, whose cookbook I praised elsewhere on this 'blog, meatloaves consist or "four categories or ingredients: a main protein, a starch, a binder, and seasonings." You would be hard pressed to find a recipe that doesn't fit this template and I am pretty sure Martha's didn't stray too far from it. What I am about to share are the key tips to each of the four categories. Hopefully, the mistake will be obvious.

Main protein - The key is using a fairly lean fresh (not frozen) selection of meat. Extra lean and/or expensive cuts are generally pointless as they don't add anything except pretension and a little fat is needed for flavour and moistness.

Starch - The starch makes the 'loaf juicy, softer and more flavourful by absorbing the released juices from cooking protein. That is its purpose. The best choice is bread crumbs/chunks from a 1 to 2 day old loaf. Stale or old bread crumbs can actually make a loaf taste off, especially breadcrumbs kept in the freezer for a long time. Freezer burn has a very strong flavour.

Binder - The binder is what keeps the starch and protein together and not crumbling apart in the mixing process. Most starches are quite dry and proteins only release juices when cooked. The binder is best if it is a bland flavour carrying agent like eggs or dairy product (ie milk, yoghurt, or, god forbid, cream). It is there to keep the starch from sucked all the mosture out of the protein as well as keeping the whole package together in its loaf shape.

Seasonings - A lot of spices are best used fresh. If adding vegetables (ie carrots, onions, celery, etc) it is best to cook them lightly before adding them to the mixture. The cooking brings out more flavoured moisture. Dried spices more than a year old may have lost a lot of their flavour. One key thing is that seasonings should be used "with an assertive hand" as they truly make the loaf.

Also, if the recipe used was the one I linked to then be warned that chili sauce means something different now than it did even a few years ago. Chili sauce doesn't mean the Asian variety of textured hot sauce, but more like the Heinz Ketchup-version mixed with chili and peppers. It isn't inordently spicy.

Hope this helps. Please let me know if you try again. Oh, and I miss you too Mark.

This has been the longest time I have gone without a post. I apologize to any and all that still read this drivel. I have been uninspired and unhealthy, but that is no excuse. I sound continue with my quest.

In that vein, I do have a lot to catch up on. There are still a number of ideas I wanted to write about, plus a couple of blurps sent to me. Not in any chronological, here is the first of what I hope is many. This was sent to me by Janis, who I think is in Alaska, but who really knows:

Dear meatloaf officionado,

Recently I was at the dentist, sitting back enjoying my nitris (sp) 'treatment', when I began contemplating the good ol' days when teeth were pulled, not fixed. I was pondering this because I was questioning who the delightful person was who invented nitris. Then it came to me that it certainly wasn't a dentist of long ago since he was happy to just pull the offending tooth. Which then led me down the path that many people had a mouth full of gums, not teeth. My final conclusion was that it was during this early dentistry time frame that meatloaf was discovered! Makes perfect sense. Back then people were 'meat and potatoes' folks and without teeth the couldn't enjoy their meat! Some kindly grandma, most likely, was the savior of the day. Now ketsup.....that's another thing.

I actually found your e-mail by trying to find the 'real' origin of meatloaf. Unfortunately, I didn't find one I liked any better than my explaination. Bon apetite !

Thanks Janis!

I am not sure that this is the true origin of meatloaf, but I am really excited by your use of external stimuli to try and get to the truth. Nitrous oxide is some crazy stuff and, although, I try and steer clear, it seems that meatloaf is as good a thing to think about in a dentists chair. Well done.

One of the many things I have had boiling on the back burners of my creative place was a piece on the Meatloaf sandwich. Well, as proof of the bonds between friends, my pal Pasta sent this missive all the way from Colorado:

While I do have affection for meatloaf, I personally see a freshly baked meatloaf as a vehicle for producing left over meatloaf. Left over meatloaf, cold and sliced (generously thick), may be considered, by some, unappetizing. Some people, like my wife, have issues with leftovers. Please reserve your judgment until you have tried it between two slices of bread (I would go a lighter type of bread, perhaps a mild multigrain in lieu of any kind of rye or pumpernickel) with yellow - yes, you heard me, yellow mustard. Of course, that said, a nice country grainy white wine mustard is really nice too! I believe it's the tartness that is the key and the reason that regular Dijon just doesn't cut it.

Now, with some introspection, and complete outward honesty, I cannot be sure that the meatloaf as a vehicle for left over meatloaf, and more specifically meatloaf sandwiches, isn't actually a vehicle for mustard. I do love mustard.

Brilliant! I couldn't have put it better myself (except for the mustard thing, I know I love meatloaf)

Anyway, for you further enjoyment, here are a couple of photos of a meatloaf sandwich I made a little while ago.

I am still fighting a tough battle with inspiration. And I think I am losing.

Tomorrow, I have to go to a Thanksgiving potluck of sorts and was asked to make a salad or vegetable dish. Hoping to start something, I approached Token Vegetarian, who was also invited but was tasked with making her own vegetarian entree.

We traded because I wanted to try a vegetarian loaf. So, tomorrow, I will be making a Southwesten Sweet Potato Spinach Strata. I hope my karma bill is paid up.

So, in an attempt to break the staring contest of an impass with my demotivation I did some shopping. Using the wonderfully functional Used Books section on my employer's website, I managed to acquire a small out of print cookbook entitled Everybody Loves Meatloaf.

What a score!

This book is incredible. I thought I was alone, but this woman is dedicated. I didn't know anyone could love meatloaf as much as myself, but dammit she sure does. Here are the first few paragraphs of the introduction:

"My maternal grandmother made a very fine meatloaf. In fact, she made many good meatloaves, and took great pride in the preparation and serving of each one. Meatloaf-making was my first home-cooking lesson. Grandma taught me to mix gently, to pat smoothly, and to tend to the loaf carefully during baking. Over forty years later, as I write this book, I realize that she was talking about a lot more than meatloaf.

The modern meatloaf, like other widely loved foods such as pizzas, pastas, and burgers, has expanded its horizons well beyond the traditional definition. The new meatloaf may be chicken or turkey, salmon or shrimp, or may not even have any meat in it at all! This book is a celebration or all meatloaves, old and new, meat or not.

After years of being held in high esteem in the American food world, meatloaf fell into disfavor during the last decade [80's - ed]. It became the butt of school cafetaria jokes, and it was the centerfold of gluey gravy-stained diner menus. Meatloaf was relegated to the kitchen closet, and rarely discussed in polite culinary company.

It is good news indeed that meatloaf has lately made a comeback! And why not? It has all the right stuff for the way we cook today - easy to make and serve, very versatile, economical, nutritionally correct, usually good hot or cold, and loved by practically everyone.

Depending upon the occasion, meatloaf can be a culinary masterpiece, or it can be a flavorful everyday menu staple. In my view, it is both. There are loaves for celebrations - say, a rich patelike loaf with some mellow red wine. And then there are loaves to brighten the most mundane days - hearty slices of ground meats bound together with good breadcrumbs and topped with ketchup and bacon.

In researching this book, I found that nearly everyone has a meatloaf story, ranging from a gravy incident with a sibling to a romance over a little shrimp mousse and champagne on New Year's Eve. In addition, nearly everyone I know has a meatloaf recipe, but very few have more than one. So, because we can never get enough of a good thing, here are a few more meatloaves to add to your collection, as well as a repertoire of poultry, seafood, and vegetarian loaves, all designed to give you a whole new view on this American classic."

Can ya dig it? This book rocks. There are over 100 recipes of "loaves and fixin's". Some of the ones that really piqued my interest were Argentinian Steakloaf, Osso Bucco Loaf with Gremolata Tomato Gravy, Basque-Style Meatloaf, Turkey and Shiitake Loaf with Sherry Gravy, Dirty Rice Loaf, Casino Clam Loaf, Southwest Tuna Melt Loaf, Garlic, Grits and Greens Loaf and Deviled Broccoli Squares. They should include a crack pipe and twelve step program with this book. It is just that good. I haven't even mentioned anything from the Suaces and Sides section.

Ms. Barnard has completely outdone herself. This is one chockablock full little book. Besides all the recipes, she includes tips and tricks and some really helpful hints. And that doesn't even include the chapter entitled Advanced Meatloaf.

You may have noticed how quiet it is here. Well, I have hit a minor wall as it comes to writing. I have three or four things percolating, but I am generally uninspired.

Don't worry, I will be back soon.

I made some 'loaf this fine evening.

This evening's Jerk Pork Meatloaf is brought to you by Jack Welch, Gabriel Byrne and Rupert Holmes.

Recipe and photos to follow.

Best Western is on to me!!

They have changed their photo spread related to the Lamplighter in London, ON.

The only picture of Smitty's is some staged shot of the chef and faux-customer (see below).

No more wagon wheels and little Santas.

I am still at a loss. Where is the love?

How am I going to make 'Jerk Pork Meatloaf'? My ideal would be to have the 'loaf be slightly jerk flavoured while having a strong fragrant glaze. I need some help here folks.

What are the predominent flavours of Jerk and how do I get them in a 'loaf? Let's hear it.

Just a heads up. Caribou and Moose 'loaf recipes will hopefully be coming soon, but remember kids, only love can break your heart.

Wanted!

I need some help. I was thinking of making a 'Jerk Pork Meatloaf' and was wondering is anyone had any ideas.

Email me or leave a comment.

I know. I have been very remiss in posting lately. It has almost been a week and the last post said I was going to post the results from the pre-packaged taste off.

Sorry. The html tabling of the results has annoyed me enough to throw up my hands and swear. Loudly.

It will arrive soon. Please have patience. Until then, here is a little taste.

I made meatloaf!

Last Thursday was Tex-Mex night at mi Casa, so here is...

Peter's Chicken Mexi-Cali Loaf
A Mexican inspired loaf. Tastey, fragrant and sure to be a crowd pleaser. Quick and easy, this is the one to try (inspite of the picture).


Ingredients

2 lbs lean ground chicken
1 large onion, chopped fine
1 jalapeno, chopped fine
1 can refried beans
1/2 cup breadcrumbs
1/2 cup salsa
1/2 cup chili sauce
3 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper

Glaze

1 cup Green salsa
2 tbsp citrus hot sauce
3 tbsp honey

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl.

3. Pour mixture into loaf tin.

4. Bake for 1 hour. Mix glaze ingredients in small bowl.

5. Remove loaf from oven and pour glaze mixture in loaf tin, covering loaf evenly.

6. Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven. Let stand for 1o minutes; slice and serve with additional green salsa.

Since no one answered my call I was forced to use extreme measures in my unbiased rating of pre-packaged meatloaves (yes, that is the plural form).

I shanghaied the other members of my irregular Video Game Club.

I re-heated, we ate, they rated.

I will post the results later.

So I have thought long and hard about this and I don't want anyone to convince me otherwise. You heard me. My mind is made up so you can take your dissent and shove it.

Yup, I am going to taste test all the prepackaged frozen meatloaf entrees that I can find.

So, who's with me?

Here is my list so far:

Michelina's Comfort Classics Meatloaf and Gravy with Mashed Potatoes
"Michelina's Meat loaf is made with juicy ground beef. It's cooked with Worcestershire sauce, onions and red peppers, and served in its own gravy with mashed potatoes. Just-a one bite and you'll see why everything Mama makes is so perfecto!"

Stouffer's Meatloaf
"A tasteful combination of two meat loaves glazed with catsup, baked and smothered in a rich, brown gravy. Served with a green bean and carrot medley and a satisfying portion of Stouffer's creamy mashed potatoes."

PC Fully Cooked Beef Meat Loaf
"Pre-sliced, homestyle meat loaf prepared with our own President's Choice Ketchup. Ready in 16 minutes."

LeanCuisine Meatloaf and Whipped Potatoes
"Hearty meatloaf delicately seasoned with onions and green peppers, in a savory gravy with tomatoes. Accompanied by creamy whipped potatoes and a dash of paprika." NOT OFFERED IN CANADA

Swanson Hungry-Man Meatloaf Dinner
NOT OFFERED IN CANADA

Does anyone know of any others???

'Delicious all-beef baked to a peak of flavours' was what caught my eye. It took a while. I must have been pouring over the seven page 8.5x17 full colour laminated menu for ten minutes.

"This place has got to have meatloaf," I thought to myself. "It says 'All Your Favourites! All Day Long!' on the sign out front."

That's when I saw it. It would be too cliche to say out of the corner of my eye. It was more like it was smack dab in front of me on one of those acrylic table sign holders. 'Early Bird Dinner Specials (3-7 pm)' and right below it 'Homestyle Meat Loaf'.

"Waiter, I'm ready to order!!"

This was the auspicious beginning to my meal at Smitty's in London, ON.

Smitty's Family Restaurants seem to be a chain of aneurysm inducing kitsch factories first founded in Alberta, but it was attached to my hotel so why not. Kinda like Denny's but Canadian.

Mine was attached to the Best Western Lamplighter in London. The Best Western was pleasant. They gave me a King Suite for the price of Queen Regular so I can't complain. But Smitty's could only be described as a zit protruding from a pleasant mid-market hotel.

Smitty's is that oddly placed rotunda on the right. What the hell they were thinking no one knows. Inside was much worse. The interior was wood panelled and most of the lighting was provided by miniature wagon wheel chandeliers.


It wasn't the most tempting of dining establishments, but as I said it had a lot going for it. It was attached to my hotel.

Back to the narrative, I had just ordered the early bird dinner special meatloaf when it had hit me.

"Crap! What have I done," I thought. Everything else listed on the specials menu had been represented on the normal laminated dinner menu except the meatloaf. No meatloaf sandwiches, no dinner entree meatloaf, not even meatloaf and eggs for breakfast. It's like the menu had just gone into some sort of meatloaf twelve step program and come out dry and born again.

"I am in a franchise eatery that only serves meatloaf 4 hours a day and that is on the discount menu. I am soooo screwed." That is when my server reminded me of the soup and salad bar and off I went.

You see, Smitty's Early Bird Dinnner Specials appeared to have been created by some wholesaler turned restauranteur. Here is what the small print said,

All Smitty's Early Bird Dinner Entrees come with the following:
Unlimited soup and salad bar, fresh baked rolls, daily vegetable, choice of potato, dessert of the day & a bottomless cup of your choice of coffee, tea or soft drink.

Even on paper that seems like a lot of food. You should have seen the plate.

I moseyed over to the soup and salad bar and helped myself to a half cup of what turned out to be the blandest Cajun Corn Chowder I have ever tasted and heaping plate of greens with pickled vegetables and fresh cucumber and tomato topped with a small amount of French dressing. I also grabbed a fresh baked roll before tucking in.

Before I knew it, my ginormous square plate arrived. Filling every ounce of space was:

• a slice of meatloaf covered in sauteed onions and drizzled with gravy
• a large scoop of really creamy mashed potatoes also drizzled with gravy
• a really big pile of green beans glistening with butter and tossed with steamed peppers and carrots

Immediately, I dove into the 'loaf, breaking off a healthy fork full, making sure I captured a couple of onions and a smear of gravy. As it hit my tongue I instantly knew; yup, the answer came to me. 'What answer?' you ask. The answer to the question, "How can a franchise restaurant afford to make meatloaf everyday in hopes of selling some during an exclusive 4-hour window?", of course.

What I put into my mouth looked like meatloaf. It was a rectangular slice of ground meat that had been baked with a mixture of spices. It smelled like meatloaf. Hell, I would say that every single one of my senses except for taste would have judged it to be meatloaf.

But if I had closed my eyes before placing that succulent morsel into my gob, my brain would have announced something else completely. It had been a very long time since I had tasted Salisbury Steak. A very very long time, but not long enough to forget that distinctive flavour.

I don't know how they did it. I could hazard a guess why, but how still alludes even my imagination. Somehow the head cook at Smitty's in London, ON uses his Salisbury Steak mixture (which is on the regular menu) to concoct some sort of meatloafy substance.

And I ate it.